Study abroad is not for people who don't want to think.
Besides trying to keep up with the language (which has not gone too well today) I am constantly forced to confront cultural issues, and new ideas as I meet new people and have new experiences. I grew up in a Parma bubble and it has burst, leaving me sticky and slightly confused.
The French live differently than we do, and I've had to step back and examine a lot of my perceptions on "the right way to live" and accept things that don't seem normal to me. I'm living in a country with a socialist government hanging on during a strike that is monstrous compared to any political movement I've ever seen. But to be honest, socialism really seems to work for the French. I never thought socialism could be a good thing, but that is probably due to my American education, because the French wouldn't have it any other way (or the strikes would turn into riots.) Also, I'm constantly meeting people with ideas and views very different from my own. It isn't only French people either, it is my fellow American students, who come from all over the country, as well as other study abroad students from around the world. There are so many different perspectives on life, I don't even know what to think anymore!
I've had to face the fact that I have been closed minded for a lot of my life. That is actually a major part of my personality, I'd fight to the death over an opinion rather than admit I was wrong. But now, here in France, it is impossible to remain unchanged by everything that is going on around me. I am becoming more open minded, but sometimes it feels like my mind is expanding so fast it is going to explode!
So what have I learned? I need to make my own opinions, not just adopt the opinions of others blindly. I may actually disagree with my close friends or family :( sometimes. Maybe certain things, like political systems, don't have right or wrong answers, just different ideas that are equally good or bad. And finally, it is OK to not have an opinion, maybe certain things are so big that it takes a lot of time to fully understand them.
All of this is so mind bending it hurts sometimes! Makes me feel weak to not have a position, to admit that I'm not that smart. But what has kept me from completely going insane? My faith.
It seems like a foreign concept to people, why I cling to my faith the way I do. They don't understand why I would limit myself that way, following the rules sounds like giving up the fun. But my faith is not rules, it is freedom. Because I believe that Jesus Christ died and took the punishment for my sin, I can live with hope for life after this one. He has given me grace, that covers everything I have ever done wrong! Imagine that, being pardoned for even the most atrocious crimes! Doesn't sound restrictive to me. So if it is all about grace, why do I live this way? Well, it is pretty simple, I'm ETERNALLY grateful to my Savior, I LOVE Him with my whole heart, and I know He loves me too. Anyone who has ever loved someone else knows that love and trust go hand in hand. I TRUST Jesus with my life, and I know that He knows everything, so when He tells me something is a bad idea, I listen, because I believe He is looking out for me, and has my best interests in mind. It may seem like rules, but it is comfort, knowing that He holds my life in his hand, and is protecting me.
So in all this CRAZINESS when I don't seem to know what to think anymore, I can still turn to my God. I may not have all the answers, I may not have ANY of the answers, but He does :) And I'm so glad, because otherwise my brain may have turned to jelly by now.
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